Friday, January 26, 2007 @ 2:57 AM
Warning: Long, emo and random thoughtsI really dunno what the hell i have done today.I can sense the urgency to study yet i'm not doing anything to make somthing worthy happen.I was so so so so in the mood to finish my logsheet today but seems like it's fate that excel doesn't like me and i can do nothing but stuck with it.Seriously hate this computer cus it only allow me to go on msn, surf the net and plenty of cock-ups.Every weekend, i go home with the heart thinking that i should start opening my notes to at least study one chapter.BUT it nvr did happen.Seeing one friend's nick on the msn today, it reads that exam is 83 days away!I was pretty shock actually cus i didn't expect it to come so fast.Didn't i just ended my month short holiday???Time slip though our hands unknowingly.And we have grown old.So much so that we tend to not cherish the every little things in life.Like how much i miss my parents suddenly.They have aged and so have I.Just thinking that they will leave us one day just make me tear everytime without fail.Even though i go home on weekends, i barely see them.On a more fruitful weekend, the most i get to see them and talk to them may only be 10 hours long. Though we do talk a lot and laugh a lot, but good times past fast that we didn't realise that the time spent was short.I thank them for giving me 3 other siblings.They somehow brought beautiful ups and downs in my life.I'm not one who's at all observant so i tend to miss out some things.Like what kind of food they like (cus they very shui bian).But even how shui bian they're, there bound to be some food that they like.Like how they know i dun like hokkien mee and char kuay.These are little details that i didn't catch for the past 21 years.They always say i treat friends better than family.It saddens me whenever they said that.It's not that i treat my friends better. But a matter of fact that they do weigh some weight in my heart.I still love my family.Blood is thicker than water ain't it?I wish i could communicate better with everyone but we should be contented with what we have now.What we have now is the result of what we do, say and act.Even quarreling, there must be a party who start first.It's tough being the big sister. We get blame for every single damn thing. Even if it's my bros and sis problem.Sometimes, i wish i had an elder brother to bury my head in. Not sister cus i think sisters are indecisive and weak.Even for friends, i do know some climb over my head and shit.But i treasure every friendship made seriously so i would rather not make it sour.To think that i was fierce when i'm young, it makes me see myself a thousand times weaker now.Maybe as i grew, my parents taught me that I should know how to hold my temper.Cus the society is very cruel.The friends we make today are those who you will be closer to ya than when you step into the cold, cruel world.I dun fancy friends who treat me well when they need help and say bye bye when i'm of no use. These people should just back of!I miss ah ma suddenly.I miss not talk to her more often.She gave me money when we were young and i made a promise to myself that I will give her when i start working.I will never have that chance anymore.I didn't even send her off on her last journey. The only consolation was i managed to see her one last time before i left.But she did not even open her eyes and take a look at me, much less move her limbs.I was with her when she admitted to hospital during the period when everyone tot she might leave us. I helped her to the toilet and fed her. Knowing that her blood circulation was so bad that it pained her to tears, we could not do anything. At that point, we all tot that it would be better if she were to leave. But we couldn't bear. It's a life afterall.It's painful and heart wrenching to see ur close one leave. But it will just come one day.I should be contented with what i have now.Till next time...
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